Sue of the Rings
by FandomsForeva
Summary: It would've been nice if the LOTR universe had been left untouched, but no! Some Sues just had to try to ruin it! What's worse, the POC couldn't get rid of the Sues themselves. So now, it's up to one regular, canon-abiding girl to stop them.
1. Prolouge

For the record, everything was Celeste Iendewelen Gamarasamalio'n' and her evil sidekick Leilannimira Varsa'ssala's fault. Not Jess's.

Actually, if Jess hadn't been there, than Celeste probably would've done a lot more damage. Jesz was the normal, canon-abiding girl who just wanted her favorite book series not to be, um, ruined. Celeste Iendewelen Gamarasamalio'n was the Mary Sue who would've destroyed canon as everyone knew it if she hadn't been stopped. Her and her evil sidekick who's name Lee couldn't even pronounce.

All Jess knew is that she had been dropped into…someplace other than home a few hours before her mother's funeral. She had woken up in a sunlit clearing surrounded by tall, magnificent pines. Birds were singing overhead, and the sun gave the grass a golden tinge. All Jess had been able to think about was how magnificent it was, how beautiful it was compared to the dinge and grays of New York City. The ground was soft enough for her to lie on without getting a headache. Even the rocks were beautiful. It was the most picturesque scene she could have imagined.

Until she saw the Sues. Because that's definitely what they were. Jess's experience in the PJO fandom had taught her that. Celeste had long, lustrous blond hair that was ridiculously thick (it looked like there were five hairs poking out of each hair-hole) which spiraled to her waist in loose, thick, curls. Her chest was…large, to say the least. (Probably at least a double D.) She had an extremely feminine figure, and all of her features were in the right place. Leilannimira had dark hair that was very, very straight and went to her elbows. She was gorgeous, but definitely much less pretty than Celeste. Lee knew that this meant that she was a Sue there to show how amazing Celeste was, a backup singer of sorts. Not that Sues need backup singers, as they make everyone around them look like total crap.

The Sues were standing next to each other (because they would NEVER sit on THE GROUND) and giggling with a squirrel. That's right, a squirrel. They probably could talk to animals or something like that, because they were Sues. The squirrel looked harassed.

Eventually, the poor squirrel managed to get away from them, although it had to abandon its acorn. At that point, the Sues looked around and caught sight of her.

"OMG! JANICE!" the blonde shrieked.

"WE FIIIIIINALY FOUND YOU!" squealed the brunette.

"WE NEED YOU TO DO OUR HAIR, LIKE, RIGHT NOW!" the blonde said in capital letters.

"I need to look good for my Gornie-hunny!" the brunette cried.

"And I need to look great for my Leggie-poo!"

Jess was really confused. Who was Janice? She looked around, trying to spot the poor girl who needed to help the Sues do their hair and look great for their…Gornie and Leggie.

"Gornie and Leggie…" Jess wondered, "You mean, Aragorn and Legolas? So we're in Arda?"

"What's Arda?" asked the blonde. "Janice, I'm getting annoyed. You need to do my hair. My Leggie-poo is waiting for me."

Jess did a double take. "Wait, you mean…my name is not Janice, okay? It's Jessica. Jess for short."

"Janice, don't be silly. You're really annoying me now. You're just a handmaiden, and—" the blonde started.

Jess started to explode. "Look, there is no way in hell that I am your or anyone's handmaiden! And my name is Jessica! Who are you people, anyway?"

"Silly Janice. I'm Celeste Iendewelen Gamarasamalio'n, and this is Leilannimira Varsa'ssala. You're our handmaiden, and we need go meet Gornie and Leggie and marry them, so you need to make us look great," the blonde—Celeste—said.

"There is no way in hell that I am touching you," Jess growled. "You're Sues!"

Normally, when a Sue is told that they are a Sue, they deny it and come up with a ridiculous weakness such as being in love or being too beautiful, but Celeste and Leilannimira didn't even say anything. They just looked at Jess like she was the weird one. "What's a Sue?" Leilannimira asked.

Jess looked up at the sky and screamed.

A few minutes later, Celeste and Leilannimira had dragged Jess…somewhere else. Wherever Jess was stuck, it was a movie world rather than the actual books. Meaning that there was no Glorfindel (HOTTIE!) to save her, no Nazgul to sacrifice the Sues to, not Tom Bombadil to realize how evil Celeste and Leilannimira were…it was a terrifying prospect.

Until Celeste squealed one squeal too loudly. "Look! A blonde elf!" she giggled. "It must be my Leggie-poo!"

Jess followed Celeste's gaze and saw a blonde elf. He was coming over to them, probably because Celeste was weirding him out. But it wasn't Legolas. It was…"Glorfindel?"

The blonde (and very hot) elf looked surprised. "Yes. I am Glorfindel," he said.

Jess felt like pulling a Celeste and squealing. She would have told Glorfindel about how dangerous the Sues were, but Celeste interrupted her.

"OMG, Glorfy!" she shrieked. "You're, like, hotter than I thought you were! I'm Celeste Iendewelen Gamarasamalio'n, and this is Leilannimira Varsa'ssala, and this is our handmaiden Janice!"

"I'm not their handmaiden, and my name's not Janice," Jess told Glorfindel.

"Whatevs, Janice," Celeste said. "Our fathers, like, sent us to help destroy the One Ring. So, like, take us to Riverdel."

"Riverdel?" Glorfindel said, looking confused.

"Rivendell," Jess clarified.

"Ah, yes," Glorfindel agreed. "I have come to take you to Rivendell, for the Lord Elrond has foreseen your coming."

**Should the rest of the story be in Third Person or First Person? Tell in your REVIEWS! **


	2. The POC Fails

**Jess POV**

I think that we need to get this out of the way: I'm really, really pissed right now.

I mean, life was bad enough before I got stuck in this universe. My mom is dead, but I still had a dad and little sister, and I love them. They mean a lot to me. And at least over there, I had friends and a vision in life! Over here, I honestly have no idea what's going on and no idea how to survive.

And two amazingly annoying…Sues to deal with. Why did I get stuck with this?

"Lady Jess," Glorfindel said, jerking me out of my internal ranting, "Are you alright?"

Darn! My expression of extreme displeasure must have been more obvious that I thought! Did I look constipated? Did I just look angry? What does this extremely important (and hot) elf guy think of me? WHY AM I EVEN IN ARDA?

"I'm fine," I lied.

We were walking through the woods. Glorfindel had a horse, but there were four of us (not counting Celeste and Leilannimira's many bags). Celeste and Leilannimira were taking turns riding it, and the one walking was doing a lot of complaining and flirting with Glorfindel, newly dubbed "Glorfy." I was standing off to the side and trying to not be noticed, which wasn't really working. Every few minutes, one of the Sues would shriek something about how I needed to make them look prettier or try to get me to give them a piggyback ride. All the way to Rivendell. Which was several days away.

I guess now I know why Glorfindel doesn't show up with his glorious flowing man-locks and save Frodo on Weathertop: he's stuck a few days away from anywhere in the middle of a human village. Poor guy.

From what I could figure out about what was going on: Middle Earth was in the middle of the War of the Ring. The Council of Elrond was happening in about a week and a half, and it was there that the Fellowship was to be formed. I knew what was supposed to happen, but what had the Sues presence done to this world? What was _my_ presence doing to it? If I did something to ruin canon, then I would never forgive myself.

As if in response to that thought, a girl's face appeared in front of me. I shrieked and lost my balance. When I looked up, the girl's face was gone. Glorfindel was standing above me, looking worried.

"I'm fine," I groaned. "I'm not the crazy one. You must have the wrong person."

He gave me a thin smile and helped me up. "I understand," he whispered. "It's…_their_…presence. It's been affecting me too."

That's probably not good. I'm ordinary (thank God), so the idea of one of the all-powerful Elves—the Balrog slayer!—being affected by the Sues scared me.

We kept trudging through the forest. Leilannimira and Celeste switched off on the horse. I focused all of my energy on putting one foot in front of the other. My body felt like a lead weight, and I wanted to collapse. The only thing that kept me from doing so was that no one else seemed tired (Sue and Elf metabolisms must be similar).

"Glorfy, when are we going to get to Riverdel?" Leilannimira cooed, grabbing Glorfindel's arm.

"Yeah, I want to see my Leggie-munchkin!" pouted Celeste. "We need to get married!"

"I assume this 'Leggie-munchkin' of who you speak is Legolas of the Woodland Realm?" Glorfindel questioned. "I do not believe that you are betrothed. The lord Elrond would have told me."

I held in a snort. _Hell yeah, Glorfindel, telling those stupid Sues not to ruin canon! _

And suddenly, I wasn't in the forest anymore.

XXXXXXXX

I was in an oval-shaped room with dark gray walls and bright lights. I was standing by the door, which didn't seem to have a handle or knob. A quick glance around the room revealed no windows, but there was a large table and viewscreen.

Standing a few feet away from me, facing me, was a girl. She was pretty, I guess, but in a really tough, hardened way. All of her features were really sharp: pointed nose, square chin, high cheekbones. She was pretty muscular. She had dark hair that was in a tight ponytail. She was wearing all black—a loose black shirt, black pants, black boots, even black sunglasses. She had a weird gold insignia on her sleeve: a P-O-C with two lines under it.

Her arms were folded, and my first thought was: _Oh, shit, this strong girl is mad at me. _She was tapping her foot in an annoyed way.

"Let's keep this short," she said.

Okay, scary annoyed girl just talked to me. And keep what short? My death?

"Okay," I ventured.

"I work for the POC—that's Protectors of Canon. Our job is to protect canon. We let fanfiction by, but if someone goes into the original books to change them, then we take them into custody."

_Crap! _"Well, you know, it wasn't my choice to go into, um, the book. And if you're mad at me for ruining canon, then you should know that there are some Mary Sues in there. They should probably take first priority."

She smiled, and took off her sunglasses. Her eyes were a really pretty green. "I knew that I would like you. You understand what our priorities are—Sues. Unfortunately, these particular Sues are so diabolical that they've blocked my access to the Lord of the Rings universe. My superior is pretty mad at me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And the only way for these Sues to be destroyed is if someone who went in with them works from the inside to stop them. That's why I put you there—you're a normal, canon-abiding person."

"Thanks." Something came to my mind. "But in the process of destroying them, won't some canon be ruined?"

She looked annoyed. "Yeah, that's our main problem. Right now, our main priority is to capture the Sues in question. If you try to keep them from doing too much damage, than we can fix the small things from the outside. If one of the Sues destroys the Ring instead of Frodo, then canon will never go back to normal, which is our main problem. If something like Haldir not dying happens, then we probably can go into replay mode once the quest to destroy the Ring is over. Again, right now our main problem is the Sues."

"I see," I replied. "So I need to keep them from destroying too much, you can fix the rest, and we need to apprehend these dastardly beings."

"Now you're talking!" she said. "I'll give you the basic knowledge of sword fighting and other necessary things for Arda. Off you go!"

"Wait!" I said. "What's your name?"

She smiled. "You really want to know? It's been a long time since anyone's asked."

"Yeah, I want to know!"

"Hannah. Please don't tell my boss about this."

"Roger."

And just as suddenly as I had gone, I was back.

I was sandwiched between Glorfindel and Leilannimira, but we weren't still in the woods. Instead, we were in a clearing above a beautiful sight—a city so elegant and graceful that it could have been Miss America. Whoever the architect was obviously was in touch with nature, and a little on the crazy side. A place this beautiful could only be one city.

"Rivendell," I breathed.

"Yes," Glorfindel said. "We've arrived."

**Reviews make me happy. **

**~FandomsForeva**


	3. Elf Lords are Scary

Rivendell is beautiful.

It's not exactly how I expected it to look, or exactly how the movie depicts it, but whoever was the architect was still gets three cheers. It is a city so open, so graceful, so in touch with nature that it seems like the designer was a really smart feng shui artist.

"OMG, Glorfy!" Celeste squealed. "We're, like, finally here! Let's see Leggie!" She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. He broke out of her grip, looking violated.

"We go to see Lord Elrond," Glorfindel told us.

Celeste and Leilannimira began laughing. As Glorfindel led us, I heard them talking about how "they were going to make jokes about Agent Smith" and "OMG Elrondy is so hot!" Their words, not mine. THEY ARE INSANE.

After more trudging, we were in Elrond's, um, office, I guess. (He's pretty hot too.) He was reading a book. When he looked up at us, I saw that it was about the Ring. I guess even Elven Lords need to do some research.

Leilannimira immediately ran up to him and gave him a big hug. "Elrondy, you're so cute!" she giggled. "If it weren't for Gornie-hunny, then I would give you a big—"

Remembering how I was supposed to be defending canon, I stepped forward and pried Leilannimira off Elrond. Watching one of the Sues torment someone else was entertaining, but canon would definitely be ruined if Elrond, the person calling the council, was driven crazy.

He gave me a thankful smile and surveyed us. "Lady Leilannimira. Lady Celeste," he said drily. _Please don't let Celeste and Leilannimira fit into this world, _I thought. _Elrond is definitely not supposed to know who you are. _

"I have foreseen your coming in my stone," he continued. Well that wasn't so bad. "And who is this?"

I'm not quite sure what possessed me at this moment, because I stepped forward, curtsied, and said, "My name is Jess, my Lord."

Oh, right. Hannah had probably possessed me. She _had _said something about giving me the knowledge needed to survive around here. Knowing how to curtsy and respect the great Elf Lord was probably a good bit of knowledge to have.

"You have come here to—" Elrond began, but he was cut off by Celeste.

"I know, right?" Celeste said. "We've come to be in the Fellowship so that we can destroy the Ring. And then, we'll, like, marry Leggie and Gornie."

By this point, Elrond looked rather ill. Probably from their vicious abbreviations of the names of two honorable people. "Um, maybe Glorfindel could show us to wherever we're staying?" I intervened. "We'll be out of your hair."

"Yes," Elrond agreed. "But Lady Jess—I would like to speak with you privately."

"But Janice is just a handmaiden!" Celeste protested, giving me the evil eye. Great, she hates me now.

"Nonsense. Here in Rivendell, all are treated with respect," Elrond defended me.

Without any further ceremony, Glorfindel herded the Sues out. There was an expression of pain on his face.

Elrond turned to me. "Lady Jess, there is something different about you. Have you been acquainted with the POC?"

_Wait, what? _"You know about them?" I asked, incredulous.

He smiled. "Yes. I am the POC's representative for this universe. I make sure that things don't get too out of hand. I sensed the coming of those two—Sues—and sent Glorfindel to bring them here before things got too out of hand. I did not, however, sense your coming. As soon as we were face to face, though, it was obvious that you had some part in protecting canon."

"Yeah. I really like canon."

"The POC may have acquainted you with the basic rules of canon in this universe. I shall elaborate. Small things such as the finger Frodo loses may be changed. But other things cannot be changed without canon being destroyed forever, such as Boromir dying, Eowyn killing the Witch King, or Arwen marrying the lord Strider. Understood?"

"Yeah," I said. This was pretty much what Hannah had told me.

"As long as you are here, I ask a favor. I would like you to quell some of the damage that those creatures will cause. No one else in my universe can know what the outcome will be. This would be disastrous. I apologize for burdening you with this task, but I cannot do in myself without making others in my world suspicious."

"I understand. I'll do my best."

Elrond looked poked his head into the hall. "Ah. My daughter. Arwen, can you show Lady Jess to her rooms? They are the ones at the edge of the hallway."

He turned back to me and smiled. "My daughter, Arwen, will show you to your room."

I left.


End file.
